standingonmyowntwofeet

A Journey from Victim to Survivor…to Living Freely

Wiser Mind

on September 20, 2016

In a heap of self-doubt and hypervigilance and shaking hands and “forget this…I’m done”-moments last night, I reached under my bed…in search of a folder from IOP 4 years ago that I knew held some help to figure out the massive equivs for a restaurant dinner out, I found what I was looking for.  My folder, with stickers earned from meeting goals on the cover, filled with diary cards, lessons, my relapse prevention plan and the equivs I was looking for…also contained my notes…notes about difficult meals and small milestones (they were all difficult meals!)…and encouragement…

You can do this!

You don’t have to fight this alone.

Numbers do not define you.

You have come so far! Healing takes time…Progress, not perfection.

Take a deep breath…you can do this…really-you can…it’s okay to feel emotion…you can be vulnerable and not pretend.  It is okay.

Hurting yourself doesn’t fix anything. You not deserve to be hurt.

Remember…you are safe right now…

Reach out, distract…do something for you that’s soothing.

 

Reminders and encouragements from me to me as I entered treatment for the first time…25 years into an eating disorder, expecting to be “cured” after 6 weeks of IOP…I read through the struggles and unknowns…AND, it’s the encouraging statements that had me able to breathe enough last night to work through that restaurant meal…remembering that recovery is *just* about making the next right step…I didn’t need to solve all the world’s problems (or my own) in that night…I did need to figure out the meal to see where I was for the day…and, contrary to everything Ed was telling me about how massive that meal was, I was still under for the day and made up those missing equivs before falling asleep.

Wise mind helps me to balance emotional and rational minds…I was struggling tremendously to find wise mind last night…and, apparently the “Wiser Mind” was hiding in me…I was reaching out and not hearing back…last night, reaching out meant “reaching under the bed”…Ahhhh…recovery.

Keep Fighting, My Friends!!

 

 

 

 

 

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