standingonmyowntwofeet

A Journey from Victim to Survivor…to Living Freely

A Month?

on February 8, 2016

It’s been a month since I’ve self harmed…a month of choosing skills instead of that symptom as a way to deal, handle, manage the torment my mind goes through.  It started as moments since I harmed…then hours…then a day…then another day…and a few moments and hours…then another day…then a week…and, at some point I began to forget when exactly it had been.  I began to notice that the days were getting longer…or maybe that the nights weren’t quite as dark…little by little, more sunlight…I let it soak in…even on cold winter days…an end in sight that doesn’t involve being totally done or ashamed…it’s gotten me to a place where I remember what it’s like to live…sometimes even living freely.

 

I’m celebrating this week with a “hope” tattoo on my inner wrist.  A sign of light in the darkness and something to dissuade harm.  Because, sometimes all it takes is that split second of thought to choose a different route.  And, I know I’ve made it through, yet am entering, what is typically, a PTSD’y time of year…Having that reminder of my wrist will remind me to keep fighting.

 

We can do this…together!  Let’s keep fighting!!

 

Advertisements

8 responses to “A Month?

  1. Woo hoo! Congrats on your one month!

  2. Awesome. You beautifully described it too!!!! Stay strong and never give up hope.

    • Thank you so much!! I’m still fighting. And, in a showdown last night I pulled out every possible skill I could find…music, breathing, distracting, a shower, turning the mind each time my hand itched for harm or the thought was right there, emailing my psychologist…fighting, fighting, fighting…I was exhausted…and really, I thought harm would’ve just been easier…except then I remembered the shame and doubt and embarrassment and vicious cycle of self hate that comes in the time following harm…and, I didn’t want to begin counting over…even though I know there is no shame in starting that count again. It was a battle that I won yesterday and I hope I can win it today. ❤

  3. Thank you for your support…it reminds me I’m not fighting alone ♡

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: