standingonmyowntwofeet

A Journey from Victim to Survivor…to Living Freely

Could I BE Any More Overwhelmed?

on October 21, 2015

Possibly.

Maybe not.

It all starts with good intentions…volunteering at the kids’ school for the morning, offering to have have people over after school…

Add in “Leasing a new automobile with payments and maintenance less than current vehicle” = wise.

Toss with–must grab breakfast to eat in car, 3.5 hours at school, missed noon meds, straight to dealership to pick up car, missed lunch, 3 hours at dealership, car guy is wearing the cologne that the rapist wore which has my PTSD a mess and emailing J to get a plan (assess danger, move away from the wall I’d backed myself into, get fresh air, move), feeling the need to rush this “2 hour process” because it’s been nearly 3 and I need to get home in time for the kids let alone that smelling that smell for 3 hours has my stomach turning, tears in my eyes, hands shaking, pull in 5 minutes before bus arrives…remember that friend is coming by with her children…and is already here…cat has brought a dead sparrow onto the porch…dispose of sparrow…grab a boost to attempt to catch up on meal plan…visit with friend for 30minutes…take kids for a ride in the new car…grouch at kids for getting scooters and bikes within scratching distance of car…realize that pm meds are now an hour late…

and, that’s where I am.  Teary because I don’t like not having over-the-top patience for my children, irritated that the dealership took so long (and was so emotionally draining), frustrated that I forgot that the friend was coming over and that I didn’t have a couple minutes of down time before mustering the energy I needed for getting my children off the bus…mostly, I just hate myself when I am not able to do all of what I’ve listed and still not be genuinely smiling and enjoying life.

Because really…it’s a beautiful fall day, my children are healthy, a new vehicle (ie. not in need of work I cannot afford to make) is a godsend and I enjoy helping at my children’s school and visiting with friends.

Time to reboot:

1-Catch up…meds and meal plan

2-Apologize to kids for being irritated and better explain about why we need to keep this car unscratched

3-Breathe…inhale…exhale…

4-Cut myself some slack

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6 responses to “Could I BE Any More Overwhelmed?

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