standingonmyowntwofeet

A Journey from Victim to Survivor…to Living Freely

Recovery is a Process…

on January 13, 2015

not an endpoint.

 

When I began treatment for the eating disorder, I started with the intent on being “cured”…after 6 weeks of IOP!!!  Maybe it hadn’t been done before–Yet, I would be the one to do it!!!  I would be interviewed by the news.  I would write a book.  The Today Show would call.  I would beat all the odds–Not only that–I would blow them out of the water!  My recovery would go down in history as the greatest recovery of all time!!!

 

You get the idea.  I very much thought that if I “put in” 6 weeks of IOP, then I’d be fixed.  I would no longer have an eating disorder.  I would be cured.

 

I was disappointed at the end of IOP…because, I wasn’t cured.  I still needed to write down meals and snacks.  I still needed an alarm on my phone to remind me to eat.  I still needed twice weekly appointments with my psychologist.  I thought about throwing in the towel many, many times.  I wasn’t cured.  This was hard work.

 

And, I started to realize…Recovery is a process, not an endpoint.  Recovery is about making the next right choice.  Recovery is about choosing.  It’s about choosing to write down what I eat.  It is about listening to the alarms and eating, instead of ignoring the alarms or deleting them altogether.  It is about attending those appointments.  It is remembering that, when falling off track, I can get back on.  It’s about learning, and then using, the skills I need to continue on this path.  It is about remembering that, after battling EDNOS/anorexia for 25 years, eating disorders are not “cured” in 6 weeks of treatment (even intensive outpatient treatment).  It is remembering and reminding myself that I am so much healthier than I was 6 months ago, a year ago, 2 1/2 years ago.  It is about looking at various points on this journey and celebrating the progress.  It is about remembering that for all the downs, there have also been many ups on this roller coaster.  It is about looking at the photo from July 2012–with the pasty, peeling skin, with the lanugo (downy white “fur”) growing on my face, with my nails peeling, with weariness in my eyes, with my hair breaking in my hands and falling out,  with my blood work and EKG abnormal, with a variety of ‘unexplained’ neurological symptoms–and being able to actually see just how far I have come.

 

It is about choice.  I can choose recovery.

 

You can, too.  Keep on fighting.  Keep on healing.  You absolutely deserve it.  I promise.

 

((And now–I need to eat breakfast!! 😉  It’s after I “should” be eating…and, I am choosing to eat to plan, because it’s the next right step.))

Advertisements

5 responses to “Recovery is a Process…

  1. emvardz says:

    I started out in the same mindset, of getting it over with, quick and easy, and then being magically cured. A lil frustrating when I’m still having some struggles seven months into therapy. But you’re right – it’s a process and it’s not going to just go away easily! It’s the progress you make as you go that’s important, and we should both be proud of ourselves 🙂

  2. mmbishop94 says:

    Great post. Very inspiring 🙂 I dealt with it for almost 9 years (and probably will relapse now and then). But recovery is definitely a choice we make every day 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: