standingonmyowntwofeet

A Journey from Victim to Survivor…to Living Freely

The Countdown to Christmas…

on December 22, 2014

I love this time of year…I love the magic and the wonder…the plethora of miracles at every turn.  It’s been in celebrating 4 years since the first surgery–and, today, 12-22–the day I received a call from my Neurosurgeon telling me that, although none of us believed this would be the case, that the brain mass was not malignant.  My miracle.  I would not be starting radiation and chemo.  I would be home to snuggle my children.  I would forever remember this moment–as people remember where there were on 9-11-01 or when JFK was shot…this was my moment.  And, it occurred in somewhat of a silly place…the JoAnn Fabric on Sawmill Rd.  I was 3 weeks post-op and had been given the ok to drive.  I drove to get fabric…I was intent on making blankets for the kids–for my 2 and 5 year olds to snuggle when their Mommy was away getting treatment…something for them to hold onto–in the event I did not survive treatment for brain cancer…so that they could have and hold something that I had made them…and had my tears hidden in the fabric.  The call came as I waited for fabric to be cut.  And, when the call came, I knew I needed to  be writing things down.  Writing was still a challenge at that time, but I knew I needed to be writing…I rushed to the front of the line…and it angered the people around me–waiting for their Christmas fabric–I announced loudly “This is my neurosurgeon.  He is calling to tell me if I have brain cancer!”…and the lines of people parted.  And, on a fabric remnant slip handed to me quickly by a clerk, I started note taking…MBI index scores, Johns Hopkins, gliosis…and the best two words–“not malignant”.  It was then that the tears flowed…and I told the crowd–it’s not cancer.

 

I made the blankets for the kids…and they still, 4 years later, use them to snuggle with each night.  And, when I see this, I remember…the gratefulness for my miracle.  And, the miracle that comes 4 years later as this Mom is lucky (or blessed) enough to watch her 6 and 9 year olds sleep.  To tuck them in, to share stories, to snuggle, to laugh, to play…to live.

 

~Live~Laugh~Love~

KJ

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2 responses to “The Countdown to Christmas…

  1. myambivalentexistence says:

    Wow. That is an amazing story. Im glad you are able to watch your babies sleep 🙂

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