standingonmyowntwofeet

A Journey from Victim to Survivor…to Living Freely

Recovery

on August 30, 2014

In July, I “celebrated” two years of being in recovery….and realized at that point (as I tried and tried to be 100% “healed” or cured”) that this isn’t something that I can toss and never revisit.  Ed is a part of my life.  When life overwhelms me, he sneaks in.  And, I hate him for that.  However, I feel like I’ve unlocked the greatest of secrets….I cannot be CURED…which may, to those not battling seem like a horrible consequence…to me, it feels freeing.  It’s okay to have ups and downs…it’s okay to ignore the alarm on the phone for lunch and then eat lunch because it’s the right next step…it’s okay to wonder about my weight–and not go out and buy a scale (or pull one of the open ones off the shelf at Kohls and stand on it–it didn’t work, btw)….it’s okay to have a supplement instead of a meal because that is better than skipping…I can turn off the TV when the Today Show is talking about calories in and calories out because that triggers me….I can eat to plan and not feel guilty….maybe even at times, feel proud for meeting plan…because that is what my body needs.

 

I have realized this summer that I will not be cured and that recovery is about choices…so many choices….and when the choices get overwhelming, guess who is right there ready to help?????  So, I push him aside or listen a little or a lot….and then I try to make the next best choice.  This summer presented so many choices…and, most of the time I can choose the next right choice.  And, sometimes I don’t….and when that happens, I start to judge and berate myself…until I remember that recovery is about that next right step….and I can shake off the mistake and get back on track.

 

This caterpillar has come out of the chrysalis and has been working on getting those wings to spread and work….and they are starting to work…and I will soar.

 

Thank you all for traveling this journey with me!!!!!!

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2 responses to “Recovery

  1. mandy says:

    You sound just like butterfly wings- free- to make choices! Such an uplifting post!

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