standingonmyowntwofeet

A Journey from Victim to Survivor…to Living Freely

Tears Upon Tears

on May 7, 2014

I am told that tears can just be tears….and i am grateful.  Because, after the last 2 weeks that included tears EVERY DAY, I was beginning to think I was losing my mind.  There didn’t seem to be anything triggering me…I was just on the verge of tears…and would cry….and cry.  It was my psychologist who made the connections for me.  That f%^&ing brain and PTSD…There had been an issue at my son’s bus stop with kids pushing each other into the street.  I addressed it (by telling the kids that they shouldn’t be pushing….embarrassing my son in the process…)–when it continued, I talked with the bus driver and then to a couple parents.  Seriously–it was becoming a bigger issue than it should be…I just didn’t want to be watching from my front door and see a kid get hit by a car.  I decided to go to the stop one morning–and the mom whose house is the bus stop came out and started yelling at me (another parent who I had already spoken to twisted my words and talked to this mom)…as I tried to explain what I had really said, she yelled….and I went home…and then two men (I think a step dad and a fiance of one of the moms) showed up at my house and yelled…

 

Enter PTSD.  I held my own when the men were at my house.  It was 2 hours later that the uncontrollable tears started…and lasted a solid week+….at least it felt that way.  Looking back, I know I was hit by bouts of tears each day…but it wasn’t 100% of the day.  And, I didn’t hurt myself.  And, I used good skills.  And, I was eating…not to plan…but, at least, I was eating.

 

The brain sensed danger…and then responded–by overreacting with the week or so of tears…

 

I am settling back into me.  Handling a ‘break up’ okay, as we were only a couple dates into dating (although months into talking)…enjoying the sunshine the days are offering (the tear-filled days happened to coincide with day after day of rain!)….making appts since I’ve had a headache for the last 2 months….hoping that brain surgery is not on the horizon…I am parenting my children positively….I am napping when I need it….I am living my life…this is what living is….feeling the ups and downs of each moment…and being happy that I am alive…

Advertisements

7 responses to “Tears Upon Tears

  1. Sunshine says:

    hugs..

  2. Lori Lara says:

    Sending huge hugs! You’re doing it – and inspiring all of us to continue doing it too. Thank you.

  3. Blythe says:

    Wow that was strange. I just wrote an very long comment but after I clicked submit my comment
    didn’t appear. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Regardless, just wanted
    to say great blog!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: