A Journey from Victim to Survivor…to Living Freely

Trying Out Anger

on December 24, 2013

Anger toward others or situations, is not something I have known….I always have turned inward…hence, an eating disorder and self-harm.  So, in getting a letter yesterday in regards to my ex-husband’s bankruptcy–and discovering something that he said was taken care of is apparently not, I was angry.  I was pissed.  I was F&%*’ing pissed!!!!!  Good time for skills work….I paced, I thought of cutting, I played the piano….I paced some more….I thought about running (not on my approved list) and going to buy a scale (even I realize that buying a scale wouldn’t solve my anger)….I reached out to two of my closest friends…who affirmed my anger and helped me work through options to solve the problem…and then, I punched some pillows….and then the walls.  I yelled, I screamed, I used profanity.  I tried out anger.  And then, I tried out a trip to urgent care…as my hands immediately bruised and swelled and I figured getting the left one checked for broken bones was wise (not broken!).  Still thinking this was a healthier option than true self harm.  It’s okay to be angry.  I used good skills….and then, I didn’t chose the best option.  However, this blog isn’t about being dishonest or painting a picture of myself where I use the best skills all the time…life doesn’t work that way.

Living means doing some things right and some things to learn from.  My lessons here?  Anger is okay.  Healthy skills help get past the feelings that are uncomfortable. Sometimes it feels good to hit a wall.


2 responses to “Trying Out Anger

  1. I understand, at least a little. I haven’t been in that situation… but I understand trying to learn how to accept anger and handle it in healthy ways. And I understand not choosing the best options. Funny, the things you mentioned were exactly the things that either went through my head, or things I did. And weird as it may sound… I’m really glad you wrote this. Because it means I’m not the only one. ❤

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