standingonmyowntwofeet

A Journey from Victim to Survivor…to Living Freely

The Next Step…

on December 17, 2013

and into a new round of IOP to address the anxiety, depression and self-harm behavior that seems to spiral around the incest….and the anniversary of ‘something’ during this season.  I will now add….36 to my “By the Numbers”….years of age when I realized I need to enter a round of Intensive Outpatient Therapy for Mental Health…

I attended a concert the other night and bracelets bearing “more than enough” were passed out to the crowd….each bore an attached verse that had been prayed over.  The one I pulled, and I feel was meant for me, said “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Luke 12:34)….it’s time to live what this really means.  And, I think the first part is allowing myself to heal fully.   There is more of me untouched by the abuse than what has hurt me…but now is the time to really deal with the hurt…I thought I had….I did so much work and continue to heal….and I want to build on that and enter this next stage.  My body is healthy and my mind needs more structure and support.  It’s my choice…and supported by those on my team.  But, I am not being pushed or prodded.  I have found rock bottom on my own….and will fall upward and take these steps to healing.

I will seek my treasure…for that is where my heart is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

((I first read “falling upward” in a book by Richard Rohr with the same title…he uses it to explain how struggles in this life can be used as ways of getting closer to God))

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6 responses to “The Next Step…

  1. Mandy says:

    I love that…”falling upward…” No excuse for staying down 🙂 Best of luck on your journey, finding that treasure.

    • Thank you for your kind words….I first read the words “falling upward” in a book by Richard Rohr–he uses it as a way of using struggle to get closer to God…I should probably cite him!!! And, your response came at the right time–as I feel good right now and haven’t cut since Sunday–I was thinking maybe I really don’t need IOP….yet–I know I do…the consistency will be helpful as Christmas and New Year’s approach…this is my gift to me.

      • Mandy says:

        I’m so glad you are feeling better! I hope, since you are feeling clearer in your thoughts, that you’ll go ahead and continue on your plan to get some intensive help. The treatment will be successful if you’re gung-ho about it. It’s always when I feel great that I think I don’t need help. I hear the strength and determination in your writing. You can do this 🙂

      • Thank you…I start this afternoon…nervous–yet, gung ho….I CAN do this…thank you for reminding me that I am not alone on this journey.

  2. Mandy says:

    I’m so glad your new journey is underway! I hope this day was uplifting, gave you hope and strength, and a vision for a healthy life. You are doing the hardest stuff of all right now. You are not alone, trust me 🙂

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