A Journey from Victim to Survivor…to Living Freely

Mean and Nasty

on December 8, 2013

As if the words were not enough as he tried to get out of paying me, the in-person ‘swap’ was yesterday.  I had a key to give him and he had borrowed a suitcase of mine that I wanted back.  So, we met in a public place, feeling like an average craigslist deal.  It was fine. I handed the key, he gave me the suitcase and a bag, I said “Thank You” and took it to my car.

It was later that I went through the bag.  And, this would be how narcissists must try to make things worse.  It reminds me of what Ed would do.  The photos of my children were returned, parts of a birthday gift were returned.  And–EKG sticky tabs!?!?!?  I assume this was done to make him feel better — or to hurt me.  Otherwise, put something else in the frames, toss the photos, donate the DVD’s and please throw away the EKG tabs! (he must have really liked the humidor–he kept that!).   Why do that??  It makes me realize that anger and hurt can do things to people to make them unrecognizable….or, maybe love made me not recognize all of these traits all along.

It’s true…I turn inward and not outward with anger.  And, I am still learning anger and how it feels and how I can appropriately respond (cutting myself isn’t a good option).  I didn’t return gifts…I may not wear the jewelry or scarf or maybe I will.  The DVD will probably get donated, but that would be true regardless-I don’t watch much television.  I am not staring at these items and pondering (in fact, I really had to think to write this part of the post!) what to do.  And, as for the returned gifts–I ended up with a few new frames and pics of my kids that I love (I threw away the photo strip with the pic of the 4 of us as well as the 8×10 of me!!!!).  The EKG tabs were also tossed!

I know it’s not coincidence that I had started noticing similarities between my father and J….and with that, there are similarities with Ed.  So much of Ed is tied in my parents.  I’ll save that post for another day…It’s time to stop seeking narcissistic men.


One response to “Mean and Nasty

  1. Wendy Powell says:

    I’m not sure that you are “seeking” narcissistic men. I have tried to write about my understanding of this phenomenon.

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