standingonmyowntwofeet

A Journey from Victim to Survivor…to Living Freely

And, My Own Two Feet Shall Carry Me….

on November 11, 2013

into the courtroom to face my attacker.

“She is clothed in strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future” Proverbs 31:25

 

is what plays in my head.  Because, to be honest….I am scared….I am terrified….to be outside and then inside the courtroom with him makes me feel ill….it has brought nightmares and shaky hands. It has made meal time difficult–really difficult–to the point that I have needed encouragement bite-by-bite.  It weighs on every thought…except as I sat in church yesterday and the readings seemed to have been written for me….except in the moments that I allow myself to relish in the giggles of my children…in the sweet smell of the crown of their heads…in the chill in the air.  Yet….mindfulness is difficult now too….so, I resort to wall sits…

 

My own two feet will carry me into a courtroom tomorrow where I may be reliving the rape, the stalking, and what it has brought into my world.  I will share that it has threatened my safety and sense of comfort over and over again….even as I have done tremendous trauma work.  I can do this.  I can hold my head high.  I can trust that the liaison and deputies will keep me safe. I will trust that there is a plan and that I am clothed in strength and dignity….that I can laugh without fear….because I am living now….I will live freely again….I won’t fear what is coming….because I have survived so much already…I can survive this, too.

 

Kind, positive thoughts and prayers are certainly appreciated as I face the rapist tomorrow.

 

XOXO,

KJ

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4 responses to “And, My Own Two Feet Shall Carry Me….

  1. My prayers are with you, friend. I pray you’ll feel comfort and peace through all this.

  2. You are such an inspiration. Stay strong, God will be holding your hand all the way. My prayers are with you xx

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