standingonmyowntwofeet

A Journey from Victim to Survivor…to Living Freely

The “Sleeping Bag” Plan

on January 11, 2013

I cannot sleep…I startle, I cry, I flail…when sleep comes it is filled with nightmares and pain and creaking doors and footsteps….I’ve wanted to hide and escape…and began to think that sleeping in a corner of the closet would offer some respite.  Three weeks of minimal sleep that is wrought with physical and emotional pain is wearing on me.  This has continued despite medications for anxiety and for sleep.   J introduced the Sleeping Bag plan yesterday to try before beginning my closet plan.  I got a sleeping bag and snuggled myself into it after meeting snack and taking my night meds.  I had gotten a super soft blanket to self-soothe and had that wrapped around my arms and near my face.  And, I slept.  I woke up at various points, but not with flailing arms and racing heart…not with tears…not with nausea and panic…I could snuggle back in and sleep.  I dreamed…not nightmares…and the last dream brought some conclusiveness as I did something I have never done before in dream or real life.  I yelled at my ex.  I yelled that he was a horrible husband.  I yelled that I hated him for treating me so terribly.  I screamed at him for hitting me and leading me to believe it was all my fault.  I told him I wanted nothing to do with him beyond co-parenting our children.  Joy comes in the forms of many things and feelings…and I appreciate the simplicity of much of this life…I know the value of a good night’s sleep, a genuine smile, a snuggle with my children…there is a joy that has come in the form of a sleeping bag…the sleeping bag has brought safety back into my bed. And, it makes me teary to think of it…because this piece of fabric has changed my outlook today…and I feel hopeful.

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4 responses to “The “Sleeping Bag” Plan

  1. hiddinsight says:

    OH WOW. This is just SO BEAUTIFUL. And it brought back memories of me sleeping in my closet too. (Some of the best naps I ever took). JOY. It’s my word of the day. Such food for thought. Wish you could see me smiling.

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