standingonmyowntwofeet

A Journey from Victim to Survivor…to Living Freely

The Next Right Thing

on December 7, 2012

Recovery is not a steady path…it’s not linear…it’s jumbled…and has ups and downs…and downs and ups.  In looking back over the last 4 months, I can see progress…it is nearly impossible to see day to day or moment to moment.  Each meal, each snack, each time I don’t buy a scale, each time I choose not to purge, each time I think about measuring and don’t, each time I don’t go out and run, each time I look in the mirror and think I look okay or choose not to look in the mirror, each time I feel hungry and choose to eat…it is all about making the next right choice.  When I don’t make the right decision, it’s about making the next right step….and not judging myself harshly for not being a step in front of this horrible disorder.

I am heading tomorrow to get my ED recovery tattoo with a few friends from IOP.  I was thinking that I had to wait until I was “cured”…and, the last few months are showing me, a “cure” isn’t there.  Recovery is making the right choices…and, one day, maybe I will be hungry and eat…maybe I can look in the mirror and see the beauty that others tell me is there…maybe, one day.  It isn’t today.  However, I made more good choices than unhealthy ones.  I enjoyed moments…and smiled genuinely…I am learning to live…and I am beginning to understand that recovery is something I choose….in each moment and with each breath I take.

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