standingonmyowntwofeet

A Journey from Victim to Survivor…to Living Freely

Don’t Drink Your Courage

on November 6, 2012

My trusted pastor told me “You don’t have to drink your courage” after I’d finished the entire cup of tea which brought back a whole slew of rape memories (because–I not only took a sip…I drank the whole f’in mug–telling myself–You cannot let him live in your head!!!!!).  This thought came back to me last night…as I decided that I’d be fine to take a drive past my childhood home….my brain had other plans.  Looking at the house was fine…it was in exiting the subdivision that the memories started surfacing…and continued as I drove down roads I hadn’t driven down in years.  Apparently, not drinking my courage can also go with not attempting to prove that I can ‘do this!’ and ‘do it well!’…the tears and flashes of memories showed me I still have some work to do.  I am trying to remind myself that that is okay.  That this is a process.  That I am healthier and stronger today than I was yesterday.  That pretending none of this has happened in my past no longer works.  Pretending allowed me to turn inward and hurt myself.  I no longer want to do that.  I need to make the next right step.  I didn’t isolate.  I reached out.  I am making progress.

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4 responses to “Don’t Drink Your Courage

  1. Cassandra says:

    *hugs*

  2. Cassandra says:

    Honey, one day at a time – sometimes one minute at a time — recovery is hard, I’m walking through it myself right now. I enjoy reading your blog because of your candid honesty. It’s painful, but honest. You are loved and someone is listening… *hugs*

  3. Cassandra….thank you so much!!!! Truly…from my heart and soul–thank you ❤

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