A Journey from Victim to Survivor…to Living Freely


on October 22, 2012

Apparently, I have body image issues…I always said I didn’t…however, I am beginning to realize that this was not a part of ED that happened to skip me.  I rather like seeing my bones.  I didn’t know that pants are supposed to be unbuttoned or zippered to get them on or off.  I have no idea what size I am.  I have no clue what ‘fits’.  Drawing attention to myself freaks me out.

But, alas…I love Halloween and dressing up.  And, my psych has told me it might be good for body confidence.  So, since the perfectionism is never too far below the surface, I have set out to find the PERFECT HALLOWEEN COSTUME!  Each day I search the internet and have made a few trips to the store.  I borrowed a costume from a friend (a superhero!) and was excited about that possibility, until some pieces made me remember my ex’s fascination with Wonder Woman and the thought of dressing as her made me feel icky.  I am in search of something fun.  I am finding many costumes that are so skimpy, I cannot imagine wearing them in public!  Taking my daughter into the Halloween store had me averting her eyes and my own…wow!  I needed a lesson on body image before entering.

And so–my search continues…for a costume that I can feel confident in and that looks good…without showing all of my body.  I think I need to remember that I can find this costume, it will be good, I will be comfortable–and it doesn’t have to be “perfect”.  Perfection was never all it was cracked up to be.


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