standingonmyowntwofeet

A Journey from Victim to Survivor…to Living Freely

Emotion

on August 9, 2012

I am kind, loving, caring, compassionate, encouraging…to other people…I am learning to do that for myself.  The parts that have overwhelmed me time and time again on this ED recovery journey are the emotional ones.  The comfy coat of restriction allowed me not to feel…I didn’t realize it at the time for all those years, but I guess it did.  Purposefully NOT restricting and not allowing the ED voice to be MY inner voice has continued to bring out more and more emotion…which has been terrifying…I didn’t realize how much ‘pretending’ I’d done and had been doing.  Pretending allowed me to get through some incredibly difficult times…and now I can live this life and not keep up the pretense that “I’m great!  How about you??” even when I am breaking inside.

As scary as the sadness and tears have been…I am also smiling more and laughing more…and feeling more and thinking less…That seems to be a better place to live…my mind is starting to quiet down…

I can do this.

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