A Journey from Victim to Survivor…to Living Freely

Scary Breakfast Smoothies

on August 3, 2012

Morning #1….I never realized quite how terrified of food I really am until attempting to ‘meet’ my meal plan and have a breakfast that contained a certain number of carbs, protein and fats (I will not list my numbers due to the fact that everyone’s meal plan is different and I don’t want any ED friends to alter their numbers based on my plan).  I did discover, however, that milk, frozen berries and a banana would work.  I was fine when blending it all together…even as the typical morning ‘meal’–the pot of coffee–was brewing in the background.  And then….I poured it….into a glass…and then knew I had to drink it.  I was so motivated…I was determined to start off strong, I *knew* I could do this…and so I started to drink it…and to gag…so I stopped and breathed deeply (score 1 for ‘making healthy choices’)…then took another sip…and gagged….and tried again…and felt like I had a bowling ball in my stomach…so I walked a bit (score another point for healthy choices–movement)…then took another sip…and started to question my determination…really, this berry smoothie was kicking my tail!  But, determined I was…and I went for distraction…the olympics! (score another point for healthy choices!..distraction…not the olympics!)…and had another sip.  And yet…there was still so much more to drink…so, I sat at the computer to email a support person (yet another healthy choice!  I was racking them up….except that I really hadn’t eaten/drank much!)…but, as I typed my 20minute email explaining the nuances of my scary breakfast smoothie, I started to relax…and realized it tasted good….and I was okay…and it is okay to be okay…and by the time I finished the email, I started to hear encouraging words from my support person (my newly acquired healthy inner voice sometimes sounds like him)…and I finished the smoothie.

So, breakfast goes to me!  Me-1, ED-ZERO!!!!!!


2 responses to “Scary Breakfast Smoothies

  1. Good for you! And I’m glad you aren’t trying to go it alone.

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