standingonmyowntwofeet

A Journey from Victim to Survivor…to Living Freely

Reflections Upon Reflections….

on February 6, 2012

I wrote this 3 weeks after the first brain surgery and, as I was looking through old CaringBridge posts, have been reading and reflecting…upon my own reflection.  I find it interesting that although I continually try to use the perspective I am gaining, I am more (or less) able to truly understand it at different times.  What I am finding is that it’s the heart and the mind that are healing and growing…and, in hindsight, seeing the truth and feeling the truth are two different aspects…and I am now believing those truths.  I do not want to lose this peace I have and am always a work in progress.  My love and friendship to each of you on your life journey. XOXO, KJ

Life Lessons from my Journey

~Accept help when it is offered and provided

~Always take time for hugs, kisses, snuggles, and giggles with your children….I’d done that before all of the medical stuff, but it’s even more true as I’ve travelled this journey

~Moms are always moms and will do anything to advocate and protect their child/ren…even if their child is 33 and undergoing brain surgery (thank you, Mom).

~Ask for help…it’s not admitting defeat and it’s okay to admit when support is needed along the way (I struggle with this one)

~Focus on happy, healthy children…if they are fed, clothed, and taken care of, it’s okay that the dishes are not done and the floors are not swept (and you arrive home from the hospital to find your pre-schooler eating out of a bowl on the floor, barking and only getting her hair brushed when you call her “Doggy”)

~Hair grows back

~Pain can be managed a variety of ways–and it will ebb and flow…and sometimes will be so overarchingly painful that it is difficult to breathe, see or think…

~Friends and family show their true support and intentions in tough times….There are not words to express my gratitude

~True friends also are content to delay a visit because they tell me “You’re doing too much–take a nap.”

~Polar fleece blankets are a must….perfect for getting great head and neck position to alleviate headaches and so soft on my scar.

~Positive thinking and prayer make for a happier life….and positive changes.

~Surround yourself with positive people who love you and support you.

~Don’t dwell on the negative possibilities as a way to ‘prepare’ yourself for what might happen next…1-if the negative happens, you’re still not ready and/or#2-the negative might not even happen and you’ve wasted good energy.

~Listen to your body…or in my case, my brain–it tells me when to slow down and I need to listen. (I don’t listen…but I know I need to!)

~Things happen in certain ways to certain people for certain reasons.

~I want to be a Mom forever….and want to be the best Mommy I can be…there will never be a shortage of kindness, love, sweet snuggles, hugs, time for them because they are my world.  My fear when these symptoms first appeared was that they would impact my ability to parent my 2 sweet children….I have tried everything possible to be certain that I continue to be the best parent I can be even when I am tired or in pain. They deserve the best mom for them and that’s me.  I will daily do the best I can and apologize when I don’t.

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